I’m a pilot for a charter airline. Once, I had the task of transporting a group of four – two men and two women – to the Kentucky Derby in a PC-12, a small nine-seater plane. They arrived in their SUVs and sauntered towards the check-in desk. I promptly went to assist in unloading their luggage.
Imagine my surprise when I saw no less than twenty hat boxes – huge ones at that! I did my utmost to play a masterful game of Tetris in the cargo area, but even then, there were approximately ten hat boxes remaining. So, I made every effort to arrange the hat boxes in the main cabin, striving to leave as much space as possible for the passengers. The four club seats at the front were vacant, along with the aisle area between them. It was only the back two seats and the aisle that became unusable.
Then, the passengers boarded the aircraft. One of the women turned around and addressed me.
Passenger: “What is this?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Passenger: “What is this?”
Me: “What is what, ma’am?”
Passenger: “Why is all this in the seats?”
Me: “Ma’am, the cargo area is full. I did my best to arrange what’s left in the least obstructive manner.”
Passenger: “Why didn’t you put them underneath?”
Me: “There is no underneath, ma’am. The cargo area at the back is all there is.”
Passenger: “We can’t ride all the way there like this!”
Me: “There is nothing in the back of the airplane that you will need to access; the toilet, drinks, and snacks are all up front by the entry door.”
Passenger: “Still, this is ridiculous.”
I resisted the urge to retort something like, “I agree; nobody needs this many darn hats.”
Me: “Would you like me to leave some of these in the vehicle?”
Passenger: “No! We need them with us!”
Me: “I could contact our company to see if there is another airplane available to follow us with some of the luggage, but it likely would be several hours later.”
I wasn’t completely certain if they would accept this option, but rich people sometimes do rather foolish things, such as paying for a second chartered airplane just to bring along their hats.
Passenger: “No, that won’t do. Fine.”
She made her way to a seat. The second woman boarded next, took a glance, and turned to the first.
Next Passenger: “What is all this?”
The first passenger briefed her on the situation.
Next Passenger: “This is ridiculous.”
The first man boarded without uttering a word. The last man boarded shortly after and sat down, and I overheard the group discussing the supposed atrocities I had committed by loading their belongings into the airplane.
The flight passed without any mishaps. We landed and pulled up where the SUVs were waiting. The passengers headed to the lounge while we unloaded. The last man walked with them about halfway to the doors before detaching himself and returning to the airplane. He shoved some cash into my hand.
Last Passenger: “Thank you, and I’m sorry. The only absurd thing about this is how many darn hats they brought.”
As he walked away, I checked the cash he had slipped me, and it was $300.
Still too many darn hats.
