Our flight has just taken off, and we are currently encountering some rather disturbing turbulence. My fellow air stewards and I have begun moving around the cabin, yet we have decided to keep the seatbelt lights on for now until we ascend above this turbulent zone. I respond to a call light coming from a passenger in our upper-class cabin.
Passenger: “Could you please reduce the intensity of the turbulence?”
I take a brief moment to assess if I heard her accurately and to determine if she was attempting any form of humor. Apparently, she wasn’t.
Me: “I’m truly sorry, madam. We are flying through a weather system, and at this moment, there is very little we can do to control the turbulence.”
Passenger: “Well, surely you can do something about it?”
What on earth did I just explain, lady?
Me: “I apologize, but until we pass through this weather system, there is likely to be more of this turbulence.”
Passenger: “This is not what I paid for an upper-class ticket!”
Me: “I’m afraid, madam, the turbulence affects the entire plane, regardless of the cabin class.”
Passenger: “It’s because you have too many economy class passengers back there! Their weight is causing the plane to tip at the back and wobble!”
Me: *Once again, taking a moment to make sure I heard her correctly.* “No, madam, that’s not—”
Passenger: “Could you go back there and reposition them a bit? Maybe redistribute the weight?”
I’m well aware that’s not how it works, but I decide to humor her.
Me: “Since they are all at the back, madam, redistributing the weight would entail inviting several economy class passengers up here to the upper-class cabin.”
Passenger: *Takes a moment to consider.* “Hmm, no, that won’t work. I’ll just have to tolerate the turbulence then. It’s the lesser of two evils! However, I expect a letter of apology from the CEO regarding this!”
I was so close to informing her that the turbulence in the upper class is less severe than that in the economy class. Fortunately, I managed to silence her complaints at that point!
